We met when we were around 16, both rebels, party heads, and absolutely not calling each other boyfriend or girlfriend (ew, labels). Instead, we were just… vibing. Hooking up, hanging out, and openly talking about the people we thought were hot. Honestly, looking back, we were kind of in an open relationship before we even knew what that was.
That early honesty broke down a wall we didn’t even realize most couples hit later: we talked about attraction without shame or fear. But, we were also 16. Which means we were emotionally about as stable as a tower of solo cups at a frat party.
Eventually, we made it “official.” And as soon as we slapped the relationship label on, guess what? Jealousy creeped in. Suddenly, a harmless flirt at a party would set one of us off. And we were shocked, like, how did we go from “I’d totally bang that guy/girl” to “WHO IS THAT AND WHY DID THEY TOUCH YOUR ARM!?”
Some of it might’ve been small-town syndrome, you know, where everyone knows everyone’s business (and all your friends hear about it by breakfast). But we were also just young, learning, and (let’s be honest) not always… ethically monogamous.
Our Lightbulb Moment: Let’s Just Be Open (Again)
Eventually, all that silent jealousy got exhausting and we missed how free and fun it used to feel. So about a year in, we had a bit of a realization. That open, label-free thing we were doing before, it actually worked for us. So… why not go back?
That’s also when Matteo stumbled across SDC (shoutout, read more about that here!) and we really started looking into swinging. But this time, we were doing it as a team.
Instead of flirting with people behind each other’s backs or getting jealous over imagined scenarios, we started sharing who we were into, with each other. If we both felt that spark, we’d approach them together. Honestly, it was hot as hell and way less stressful than the guessing games.
We both had our kinks, our fantasies, our adventurous sides, and suddenly, it wasn’t about hiding them. It was about experiencing them as a couple. Together.
Learning to Say “No” (And Realizing the World Doesn’t End)
Of course, being open doesn’t mean being into the same people. I remember the first time Matteo mentioned a girl I just didn’t vibe with. I froze. My brain ran wild…
“What if he gets mad?”
“What if he’s disappointed?”
“Am I just being difficult?”
But I told him the truth, and his response was perfect. He said, “I don’t want to do anything you’re not genuinely excited about. I’m in this because I love us. That’s what matters.”
It was such a relief, and it changed everything.
We made a rule that day: if one of us isn’t into it, it’s a hard no. No debates, no guilt-tripping. Just a simple, loving veto. Because in swinging, we’re a team. If one of us isn’t having fun, then it’s not a win.
The Jealousy Fade-Out
Years later, we looked back and realized something amazing: that sharp, scary jealousy we used to feel? It had almost completely vanished.
Not because we’re some magical poly couple who transcended feelings, but because we learned to talk. We stopped assuming. We stopped hiding. We just got honest.
And as wild as our adventures have gotten, there’s one thing that never changes: we go home together. Every time.
Looking back, that shift (from jealousy to honesty) was one of the biggest turning points for us. It laid the foundation for everything that came after: stronger communication, deeper trust, and a whole new level of emotional intimacy. But none of it happened overnight. We stumbled, learned, and kept showing up for each other.
What We’ve Learned (So Far)
Matteo and I have been together 15 years, and while our check-in talks have become less frequent, we still make space for them, especially when one of us feels insecure. That’s our cue that it’s time to talk.
Over time, we’ve learned to read each other’s signals. I go quiet and overthink; when that happens, Matteo either senses it and approaches me gently or waits patiently if I need space. His presence tells me he’s ready to listen when I am.
Matteo’s harder to read, he stays talkative, but gets frustrated over little things when something’s off. That’s when I know to offer a calm, judgment-free space, just like he does for me.
Learning these signs and how to respond with love instead of defensiveness has been a game-changer. It didn’t come naturally, we had to grow into it.
When you’re younger, being vulnerable can feel like weakness. But in reality, it’s the opposite: sharing your insecurities makes your relationship stronger. You’re not meant to face hard moments alone, lean on each other, that’s what love is for (and how trust is built).
Making Space for Swinging Through Life’s Ups and Downs
I think one of the myths about swinging is that we are just having orgies all the time. Okay, most of us wouldn’t turn it down, but that’s not the point here. I think you can go through many phases as a couple, because we are all individuals who grow and change over time.
We have times where we swing a lot, but we also have some down times. If we have a year where we are struggling with personal stuff, like jobs, finances or family, then we definitely adventure less. If we are going through a rough patch, we usually have a small break, and that’s okay. We help each other through the tough parts of life, then we go back to adventuring and having our kinky fun!
Nothing really changed our attitude towards swinging, but we realized we have more fun doing it when we are both happy and confident. Insecurity is the enemy of enjoyment, meaning that you should deal with your insecurities through open communication, and you will find much more joy in your relationship.
Swinger Relationship Tips
If you’re just starting out, maybe peeking into this world with curiosity and nervous excitement, here’s what we’d say:
- Talk. Then talk some more.
- Be honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.
- You’re allowed to say no.
- Swinging isn’t about “letting” each other do things, it’s about sharing things.
- And trust? It doesn’t just happen, it’s built, moment by moment, adventure by adventure.
Oh, and one last thing: don’t expect to have it all figured out right away. We definitely didn’t. And now here we are, a little older, a little wiser, and still having the time of our lives.
Have any questions or curiosities about the swinging lifestyle? Drop them in the comments, we’re here to help with real-life insights and honest answers!
